Top Gear (0)

Top Gear
It all started when BBC presented us with an idea .
Every one of us had to build a British motorhome of the future, which would be practical but still look cool. Three things the motorhome had to have were sleeping accommodation, cooking facilities and a bog.
We met up at Fleet to take a look at each others brilliant come ups before the challanges .
As usual I came in with quite an entrance. My motorhome was by far the tallest ever built . It had three stories and looked extremely cool. After walking Hammond through my surperb motorhome I couldn't help but laughing at his. It was a hidious Land Rover which appeared from far to be covered with bricks . The „ stone effect“ was in Richards mind the Land Rover style.It literally had a bog next to the driver 's seat. After having a great laugh once more over Hammonds brilliant motorhome, James May came in what appeared to be a rocketship stuck on a Lotus. We didn't want to stop for long at James's rocketship with a bog next to your head so we showed James Richards motorhome.
James took it all together with one nice sentence: „It's a Land Rover with curtains on the outside “.
That is pretty much all there is to it though Richard assured us that it will all be explained when we get to our camping site. No time later we were handed a challange. We had to drive over 200 km to Cornwall. As James May was boasting about his motorhome, Richard couldn't really do the same .
The noise the motorhome „parts“ or „walls“ made was just terrible. Putting that aside, according to Hammond the heating system of the Land Rover wasn't as good as he had hoped for as well, describing it as „quite chilly“.
My motorhome was of course doing fine. Apart from some wobbling everything was just aces.
Just to be sure I wasn't a threat on the road I had James pull behind me to take a quick look.
He wasn't of much help since he only laughed and nor was Richard up front for that matter.
Finally I had to admit that I cocked up, but it was my time to laugh now as Richard's motorhome was falling apart. After screaming for twenty minutes straigh up we finally stopped to rebuild Hammonds shed. Over seven hours on the road and we finally got somewhere close to the campsite.
Between getting to the campsite and having driven seven hours, my car had a bad case of diarrhea.
Getting to the campsite an hour later than the lunatic and the retard , Hammond was still putting up his motorhome or motortent, - castle , -kingdom – not sure but he was still putting it up. After watching Hammond struggle we finally decided to go to a pub. We had a couple of pints me and James and hours later went back to the campsite to see Hammond still putting up his – whatever thing it was. As the wind began to blow harder and harder I felt quite sorry for Hammond and then went to sleep . The night had been rough for the young soldier but it wasn't even close to what I had.
My car MAY have fallen on its side while I was sleeping in it. Using all the possible resources to get my car back up, we were again given a challange. We had to drive to the beach , change into wetsuits and go surfing . As you all understand that was really my time to laugh. Imagining Hammond and May changing in to wetsuits in their motorhomes was just quite hilarious.
As Hammond was packing all his crap up, James and I decided to get on road. In no time we arrived at the beach and to kill some time we took up surfing lessons.While James was doing unexplainable things on that surfing board I was busy laughing at him. When finally our dear comrade Hammond arrived, it was time to get in to our wetsuits. As I imagined it was all fine for me and well not so good for neither the lunatic nor the retard. When we finally started surfing I couldn't help but notice how easy it all was. For some unknow reason it wasn't that easy for the lunatic or the retard, maybe it was the fact that they were actually trying to do it properly but we can't be sure.
As the morons tried and tried I finally noticed that the sea level was rising and our cars would soon be flooded. Richard and James ran straight to their cars with their wetsuits still on as I decided to get changed first . It turned out to be a bad idea but in the end it all went well. As it was getting past the afternoon tea time we decided that we had to make ourselves something to eat. We stopped at the
gas station in order to buy some ingredients. Having shopped we went back to the campsite and started to cook. As I was adding my Castrol GTX oil to my flower soup Hammonds' – place, had caught fire. As Hammonds' diningroom was burning down we all decided to abandon cooking and have a drink. The next morning when I woke up I had to witness Hammond and James do their usual morning business. As you can imagine , a man pooping next to the drivers ' seat and a man pooping in a rocketship was quite funny and at the same time disturbing. James and Hammond having wiped their bottoms we decided to go to a near by beauty site.
As our lovely journey was coming to an end, I imposed on buying ourselves some ice cream . Getting down to the beach, eating my own cone and having some alone time with the filming guys, my attention was pointed to the cliff where we parked our motorhomes after I heard what sounded like a motorhome falling from a cliff noise. I soon came to a realization that Hammond and May had pushed my beautiful and extremely cool motorhome down the cliff simply because theirs were so far behind on the looks and well everything. And on that bombshell it is time to end. Thank you for reading and have a nice night now !