A New Earth
of being a parent is looking after the needs of the child, preventing the child
from getting into danger, and at times telling the child what to do and not to
do. When being a parent becomes an identity, however, when your sense of
self is entirely or largely derived from it, the function easily becomes
overemphasized, exaggerated, and takes you over. Giving children what they
need becomes excessive and turns into spoiling; preventing them from
getting into danger becomes overprotectiveness and interferes with their
need to explore the world and try things out for themselves. Telling children
what to do or not to do becomes controlling, overbearing.
What is more, the role-playing identity remains in place long after the
need for those particular functions has passed. Parents then cannot let go of
being a parent even when the child grows into an adult. They can't let go of
the need to be needed by their child. Even when the adult child is forty years
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