How would I survive if he didn't? "I never stopped wanting you," I whispered. "I can't stop. But you hurt me, Gideon. You have the power to hurt me like no one else can." His gaze was stark and confused on my face. "I hurt you? How?" "You lied to me. You shut me out." I cupped his face, needing him to understand this one thing without question. "Your past doesn't have the power to push me away. Only you can do that, and you did." "I didn't know what to do," he rasped. "I never wanted you to see me like that..." "That's the problem, Gideon. I want to know who you are, the good and the bad, and you want to keep parts of yourself hidden from me. If you don't open up, we're going to lose each other down the road and I won't be able to take it. I'm barely surviving it now. I've crawled through the last four days of my life. Another week, a month...It'll break me to give you up." "I can let you in, Eva. I'm trying
" "Bella, you don't know. I've had almost ninety years to think about this, and I'm still not sure." "Do you wish that Carlisle hadn't saved you?" "No, I don't wish that." He paused before continuing. "But my life was over. I wasn't giving anything up." "You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose." I was getting better at this. It was easy to admit how much I needed him. He was very calm, though. Decided. "I can't do it, Bella. I won't do that to you." "Why not?" My throat rasped and the words weren't as loud as I'd meant them to be. "Don't tell me it's too hard! After today, or I guess it was a few days ago... anyway, after that, it should be nothing." He glared at me. "And the pain?" he asked. I blanched. I couldn't help it. But I tried to keep my expression from showing how clearly I remembered the feeling... the fire in my veins. "That's my problem," I said. "I can handle it." "It's possible to take bravery to the point where it becomes insanity."
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